Must, must, must. Must go, must sleep, must wake, must get up—sober, merciful word which we pretend to revile, which we press tight to our hearts, without which we should be undone. Still, we are slipping away. Little bits of ourselves are crumbling.
And now this. Shock. Utter nihilistic shock. Perverse desire to retreat into not caring. I am incapable of loving or feeling now: self-induced. Out of it, kid. Read a story: Think. You can. You must, moreover, not continually run away while asleep - forget details - ignore problems - shut down walls up between you and the world and all the gay bright girls: - please think - snap out of this. Believe in some benefit force beyond your own limited self. You must not think escape like this. You must think.